I know you are a very busy man at the moment so I will try and keep this as brief as I can. I’m perceptive so I can sense you have much more important things to do. After all your hair isn’t going to style itself is it? Also, you’ve got to probably plan to find another way of getting to the destination of your choosing for your summer break this year haven’t you? What with all the planes being grounded and the airlines going out of business.
I know my problems, seem rather trivial in comparison to yours but as Pete on Gogglebox said you are “our hero” so I thought I’d mention my predicament as you always seem to know what to do.
For example, the Corona virus broke out three months ago and I for one feel so assured and protected by the incredibly well planned and processed measures you systematically got in place to prepare for every eventuality.
For a man obsessed with Winston Churchill Boris, rest assured he would be so proud of you.
You and your government have thought everything through.
There have been announcements after announcements. All carefully considered before release, and all agreeable and adhered to by the British public.
You tell idiots to stop panic buying so they do stop. Immediately.
You suddenly advise us all to not meet socially or go to pubs or restaurants. It was a good job all businesses knew of this beforehand wasn’t it?
You advise people over 70 to self-isolate. Which is fine because it means younger family members can now go out to supermarkets for them and get all we need from the empty shelves because we don’t have a job anymore. You really do think of everything.
Meanwhile schools are open so little children who show most resilience to the disease can mingle with other children who have got it and then take it back home as a little present and pass it onto their parents. Tell you what, I’d give it another week or so before you close the schools, because by then, all the parents will have Corona virus and they can then pass it onto their relatives when they finally get to look after the children. That’s just in case mummy and daddy still have a job to cling on to.
You said you will “do the right thing at the right time.” Oh you certainly are, well done.
Yes, there was thermal passenger checking at every airport, central station, and port, to minimise the risk of it getting in. Test kits then and now for people to prove to their employer they have the virus for SSP. Good job testing will not now only happen at hospitals. That would be silly wouldn’t it?
Where are my manners? I have spent so long talking about your fantastic recent achievements I forgot to mention my little gripes. Oh right well, just quickly then. I recently started a new job. Now, I don’t know whether you know but most jobs now have a probation period. I know, it is strange isn’t it? It’s almost as though we’ve already done something wrong. Anyway, first three months were fine. I was even told not to take too much pressure on. Then after a further 3 months I was sacked for poor performance. Imagine that eh?
Now like I say, I know you are busy. I know the government’s likes to provide for people that have babies every 5 years so they don’t have to find a job. Or make the system so complicated no one can follow it. So it is made easier for asylum seekers, while others who need it have to jump through hoops and struggle.
Now for me. For someone that has paid taxes and national insurance for the last 30 years, what help will I get now? What help will I get while all job leads are on hold? Where my rent is astronomical? Where the bank won’t lend me money at the rates you say you have made available? What can you offer me? Where is help for a single person who identifies as male with no dependants?
It’s a good job none of our nurses have left the profession isn’t it?
It’s a good job no hospitals have been closed isn’t it?
It’s a good job we have enough Police if things get nasty?
I’m sure, because you are so well respected, and the British public are so at ease, we will never see the need for armed guards at supermarkets to stop stockpiling, but it’s nice to know you can do that if need be isn’t it? And nice to know too, that should anyone step out of line, no courts have closed so those offenders can be quickly processed and put in a bright shiny well-staffed prison for a couple of days to cool off.
Well done Boris. I thank you for your wisdom, insight, and power to lead from the front. Just think if you were on a six month probation. You would have passed it with flying colours wouldn’t you? Just look at how well you’ve dealt with things so far? The NHS was apparently in crisis. What crisis? And then there are those floods that you went to see once they had gone. It’s nice to know all of the countries defences against anything will work as well as those flood defences did for thousands of homes in England isn’t it?
Best regards and all my praise. Keep up the great work. You are an inspiration.